Friday, October 17, 2008

Musings for today

Ok, I haven't been good about blogging once I started back in August. From the last time I wrote I've struggled with a couple different issues in writing again. The first one is that I worry aobut how much information to write and I'm a little afraid that I'll say too much. The other reason is that: Everyone I know that blogs do little updates on their children and the funny things that they do or challenges that they have. I guess I feel that there isn't any "big" thing about my life. In a way we do the same thing a lot of the time. We both work 40 hours a week, come home exhausted, play with Maddie, run errands and spend time together on the weekends. Perhaps, sometimes, we'll plan a trip or something "notable" on a Saturday but not often. Lately, it's been cleaning, shopping, watching football and going out for dinner in the evening. (it's not that I don't like that because I love a relaxing Saturday) Anyone have any suggestions on my two concerns??

For awhile, I have had this feeling like I need to do more with my life (with the free time that I have). We are still paying off our first attempt with IVF (in-vitro Fertilization) that ended with my miscarriage in July. With each paycheck, a certain percent goes to paying that sum off. I think we have a little less than half left to pay back. This is the ultimate goal/priority in our life so when we are done, we'lll start on a 2nd attempt with IVF. But in the meantime, what do I do? I know Heavenly Father has a plan for us/me in remaining childless for this long. I just wish Iknew what exactly He wants me to learn during this time of my life. I've active in my calling as a pianist for our ward choir and I have learned so much but I want to do more. In the past, I've have tossed up a couple ideas: going back to school for my Masters (but that would be less money to contribute to our IVF loan), starting different crafts, and working more with family history. It's the deciding that has me stumped: Each time I try to decide it comes to this: what is the thing or thing that I need to start doing in order for me to grow the way my Heavenly Father wants me to grow? If anyone has any comments, I would love to hear them.

I'd better quit for now, I wrote this at work because these were my thoughts at the moment and work has been so extremely slow.


Emma said...

Valerie I'm glad you've joined the blogging world. I look forward to hearing more of what you do and what you are thinking about. I have some blogging friends that don't have kids yet so you are not alone. Have fun with your blog!

Beverly Jones said...

I have a hard time remembering to post, too. I think while you are waiting to have the family of your dreams you should look into volunteering at a hospital. Remember the candy strippers? Caring for others and seeing their trials help to put your striggles in perspective. Or, you could advertise for evening child care and make some money while other's go out. Just random thoughts, all ways to interact with children and see what joys and struggles you have to come. :)

Lind Family said...

Yeah for blogging!

Katy said...

Hi Valerie,
It is me Katy. I totally understand about not knowing what to do with life right now. All I can say is pray about it. Go to the temple. oh..just a thought...maybe you should try being a foster parent for some babies? That will help out with money a little bit and might take off the stress too. I have so many friends in the same situation as you and the number one thing that helped them out to get pregnant to to CHILL OUT! Stressing yourself out is only going to make it so much harder to get pregnant. Hope I didn't offend you. Happy you are blogging.


Marta said...

If you are really interested in getting your masters, I would do that. I had time to go and get a degree before I had Kjerstin and have never gotten a chance to go back and do that since. I so identify with what you are going through. IVF wasn't even available then, but it is frustrating to want something so much. I have loved my callings with the children and youth of the church. I know Kjerstin is the only biological child I have, but I have "helped" many people raise their children. Maybe a more interactive calling would be soothing to that part of your soul. I love you, I hope that you can find the peace and comfort you need, remember the atonement is for our "pains and sufferings", I think we all relate it to repentance and sin, and not enough to pain, loneliness, heartache. He felt everything when he atoned for us, so He knows how you feel and can succor you. Ooops did I preach, that is just the most comforting thing I ever learned. Maddie is cute (for a pug! ;0) )
Love you Valerie. Marta

Kristine said...

valerie, I just barely found your blog. so yeah, I'm glad to be able to contribute as well. we are still paying off a loan from IVF as well (but we lucked out with ellie) I'll look your email up on facebook and I'd love to swap stories. those 4.5 years were so freaking hard. but I look back and see how I am glad for it now. enjoy every day you have and hang in there. i feel your pain (well, i did for 4.5 years)

Andrea said...

Hey Valerie!
I didn't know you had a blog, we'll have to switch emails and I'll invite you to mine. I understand what you are saying about not having anything to blog about, I have friends that feel the same way. Blogging for me is very therapeutic, it's a nice way to relive part of your day/week and focus on the important things. Even though you haven't been able to have children yet, you can still blog about things that are happening in your life- interactions, thoughts, ect... and then your children (when you are blessed with them- I'm sure you will be, because you are too perfect NOT to be a mom)- will be able to read and hear about how your life was before they came along. You will be a wonderful mother when you are meant to be, maybe helping out in Primary would help you to use the talents you have now for other kids. Just keep praying and Blog about what you decide. ;) I'm so happy to keep in touch with you! :)

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